Wednesday, April 30, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Shayaris, Jokes, Cool (30.04.14)

 


CHAK DE

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अंत में लिखी है दोनों कि बर्बादी,

आशिक़ हो या हो कोई आतंकवादी.

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बड़े-बुज़ुर्ग कहते थे कि 

जले पर टूथपेस्ट लगा लो, 

कम्बख्तों ने टूथपेस्ट में भी 

नमक डाल दिया ।

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हमारा दुश्मन हमसे बोला "बहुत महंगी पड़ेगी तुझेदुश्मनी मेरी "...

हमने उसको उत्तर ये दिया कि "सस्ती चीज हम कभी खरीदते ही नहीं"

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Ek ghar me saas-bahu bahot pyar se rehte the..

ek baar ghar me ek guest aya..

bahu ne saas ko uss guest se baat karte suna..

saas keh rhi thi 'Beti shakkar ki tarah hoti h aur bahu namak ki tarah'..

ye sun kar bahu ko bahot bura laga..

wo udas rehne lagi..

jab saas ko is baat ka pata chala to bahu se kaaran puchha..

bahu ne kaaran bataya.

Tab saas ne hans kar kaha 'uss baat ka matlab he..

beti shakkar ki tarah hoti h jo har haal me mithi lagti h

jabki bahu namak ki tarah hoti h jiska karz nhi chukaya ja sakta
Jinke bina har ceez ka swaad be-swaad ho jaata hai "

.So ALL BAHURANIS CHEER UP ..  YOU ARE THE BEST

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ये जो मेरी कब्र पर रोते हैं न ,

अभी उठ जाऊं तो जीने न दे ........!!

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खेरात में मिली हुई खुशी हमे पसंद नही है क्यूंक

हम गम में भी नवाब की तरह जीते है...!!!-

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अगर जींदगी मे कुछ पाना हो तो 

तरीके बदलो,....ईरादे नही...!!!

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Seasons in India:

1: "Raincoat to pehen le"

2: "Sweater paherna nahi tha to kharida kyon"

3: "Paani pi ke bottle bhar diya karo kabhi"

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Once my wife wanted me to surprise her with something for birthday that would take her breath away



so I got her a treadmill !!

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Sardar ji Bank me paise jama karane gaya.

Cashier-
Tumhare Note nakli hai.

Sardar-
Tujhe kya farak padata hai?
Jama to Mere Account me ho rahe hai na..!! 

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वो अक्सर मुझसे कहते थे,

की रिश्ते फूल जैसे होते है.....

कदम रुक से गए आज मेरे,

बाजार में फूल बिकते देखकर.....

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'सब्र' और 'सच्चाई' एक ऐसी सवारी है.....

जो अपने सवार को कभी गिरने नहीं देती.....

ना किसी के कदमो में...और

ना किसी की नज़रों में...

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"नही है हमारा हाल, 

कुछ तुम्हारे हाल से अलग, 

बस फ़र्क है इतना, 

कि तुम याद करते हो, 

और हम भूल नही पाते."

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तेरी आँखो से एक चीज़ लाजवाब पीता हु ...

मैं हु तो ग़रीब पर सबसे महँगी शराब पीता हु...

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वोह कबसे तलवार लिये मेरे पीछे भाग रही है...

मैने तो मजाक मै कहा था की...
दिल चीर के दैख... तेरा ही नाम होगा...

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Monday Night:

Wife: Aaj tum daaru peeke aaye ho ! Kyun?
Husband : Arre Aaj office mai foreign clients k saath meeting thi to peeni padi 

Tuesday Night:

Wife: Aaj tum fir daaru peeke aaye ho ! Kyun?
Husband : Arre Aaj mere ek friend ki engagement thi to Usne party di isliye

Wednesday Night:

Wife: Aaj bhi tum peeke aaye..
Husband: Arre Aaj ek friend ka breakup ho gaya...WO bahut udaas tha to Uska mood fresh karne ke liye...

Thursday Night:

Wife: Aaj fir se...Ab kiska breakup ho gaya?
Husband: Breakup nahi....Aaj Office mai work load bahut tha...bahut tension thi....isliye

Friday Night:

Wife: Aaj kyun?
Husband : Arre jis friend ki engagement thi na Tuesday ko, Aaj uski shaadi thi...to khushi ke mauke pe to....samajh gayi na

Saturday Night:

Wife: hmmm...Ab?
Husband : Aaj purane school friends mil gaye the to WO disco le gaye aur zabardasti pila di...maine bahut mana bhi kiya par maane nahi...

Sunday Night:

Wife (gusse se): Ab Aaj kya ho gaya..

Husband : AAJ MERA MOOD THA

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मेरे बारे मे कोइ राय मत बनाना गालिब,

मेरा वक्त भी बदलेगा, और तेरी राय भी ।

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वो रोई जरुर होगी खाली कागज़ देखकर ज़वाब में..

जिंदगी कैसी बीत रही है पूछा था उसने ....!

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WOMAN.
When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.......

An angel came by and asked." Why spend so much time on her ?".
.                                          
The lord answered. " Have you seen all the  specifications I have to meet to shape her?".....  

" She must be washable but not made of plastic,   .. 
have more than 200 moving parts which must be replaceable  

she must function on all kinds of foods,  ...

she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time, 

give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart , 

she must do all this with only two hands,.." 

She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day".... ...                                                                                                          
THE ANGEL was impressed. .." Just two hands.....impossible !" ..

And this is the standard model ? ! ...." 

The Angel came closer and touched the woman"......  ..

." But you have made her so soft, Lord".....

." She is soft", said the Lord, 

" But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome "...

."Can she think?" The Angel asked...

The Lord answered. " Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate" ...
.
The Angel touched her cheeks.....

" Lord, it seems this creation is leaking !  You have put too many burdens on her. " ...

."She is not leaking...it is a tear" The Lord corrected the Angel...

" What's it for?" Asked the Angel..... .
.
The Lord said. " Tears are her way of expressing 
her grief, 
her doubts, 
her love, 
her loneliness, 
her suffering and 
her pride."...

THIS made a big impression on the Angel, 

" Lord, you are genius. 
You thought of everything. 
A  woman is indeed marvellous !".... ...
.
Lord said." Indeed she is. 

She has strength that amazes a man. 

She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. 

She holds happiness, love and opinions. 

She smiles when she feels like screaming. 

She sings when she feels like crying, 
cries when happy and 
laughs when afraid. 

She fights for what she believes in. 

Her love is unconditional. 

Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies 

but she finds strength to get on with life." ..

The Angel asked : So she is a perfect ? 

The lord replied : No. She has just one drawback

" She often forgets what she is worth".

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