Hindi Jokes Group Mails: July 2014

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Re: [Hindi Jokes] Shyaris, Jokes, Quote (13.07.14)

my tears are coming out really superb

On Sunday, July 27, 2014 1:28 PM, "ReenaBankar@rustomjee.com [Hindi_Jokes]" <Hindi_Jokes-noreply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:

Good joke
Well done keep it up

Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

From: "Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]" <Hindi_Jokes-noreply@yahoogroups.com>

Sender: Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com

Date: Sun, 13 Jul 2014 08:27:37 -0700

To: <Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com>

ReplyTo: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

Subject: [Hindi Jokes] Shyaris, Jokes, Quote (13.07.14)

CHAK DE

======

कितनी अलग हैं उनकी फितरत में अंदाज़ ऐ मोहब्बत।

रोज़ एक ज़ख्म देकर कहते हैं अपना ख्याल रखना।।

======

गिरा दे जितना पानी है तेरी आगोश में...

ऐ बादल...

ये प्यास किसी के मिलने से ही बुझेगी....

तेरे बरसने से नहीं....

======

Superb

Beautifull lines by sweet daughter....

Sham ho gai

ghumne chalo na papa ....!!

Chalte chalte thak gai

kandhe pe bitha lo na papa ....!!

Andhere se dar lagta hai

Seene se laga lo na papa ....!!

Mummy toh so gai

Aap hi thapki dekar sula do na papa ....!!

School toh puri hui

College jaane do na papa ....!!

College mei chhoti si galti ho gai

maaf kar do na papa ....!!

Chhoti si bhul ki itni badi saza

jab doli mein bitha hi diya to

aansu to mat bahao na

papa ....!!

Aapki muskurahat acchi hai

ek bar muskurao na papa ....!!

Aapne meri har baat maani

ek bat aur maan bhi jao na papa ....!!

Iss dharti pe bojh nahi hu mai

Duniya ko smjhao na papa ....

======

पूजा की थाली बनानी हो अगर

भूखे की थाली में रोटी डाल दो

महेश दुबे

======

तेरे संग भीँगू मैँ मोहब्बत की बरसात मेँ.........

खुदा करे उसके बाद तुजे इश्क का बुखार हो जाए ...🎭

======

I think RBI should declare "Eclairs" as the new one Rupee and

"Chloromint" as the new 50 Paisa.

Saala har dukandaar chhutte ki jagah yahi deta hai...!!

======

Ye JOKE Padhoge To Haste-Haste Gir Jaoge..:-)

Isliye bheja hi nahi..

Gir gaye to..?

I care for you !!

======

अब कहा जरुरत है हाथों मे पत्थर उठाने की,

तोडने वाले तो जुबान से ही दिल तोड देते हैं.....

======

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Posted by: rakesh batta <batta_rakesh@yahoo.com>

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Sunday, July 27, 2014

Re: [Hindi Jokes] Story-GLASS OF MILK (20.07.14)

super msg i like it from bottom of my heart

FROM
SHABBIR MOHAMMED ALI & SONS
DUBAI (U.A.E)
P.O BOX 28084
CONTACT NO.+971-04-2248850,FAX:+971-04-2299235
ALIASGHER HAVELI WALA
+971528764900

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Posted by: aliasgher Haveliwala <aliasgherhaveliwala@ymail.com>

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[Hindi Jokes] Joke

CHAK DE

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their Family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. 'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he

surveyed the worried faces.

'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves.'

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, 'Well, how much does a brain cost?' The doctor quickly responded, 'Rs. 50,000 for a male brain, and Rs. 200 for a Female brain.'

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to Control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more?'

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire Group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the Price of the female brains, because they've actually been used, the male brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new'

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!

__._,_.___

Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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Saturday, July 26, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Jokes, Shayaris (27.07.14)

CHAK DE

======

This is killer...

'With Modi govt,

even Ishant Sharma performs'

======

Put your wife in a room & lock it.

Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!

Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you,

and who will BITE you !

(Group members are advised not to try this at home

as these stunts were performed by professionals;

who are now!divorced; and living happily with their dog)

Don't laugh loud ----

The extended version says...

Put your husband in a room & lock it.

Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!

Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before

======

इतना भी गुमान न कर अपनी जीत पर "ए बेखबर"

शहर में तेरी जीत से ज़्यादा चर्चे तो मेरी हार के है.

======

दुनिया में बहुत से लोग आईना देख कर डर जाते,

अगर आईने में चेहरा नहीं चरित्र दिखाई देता.

======

Teacher asked her young students to get their parents

to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff.

But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share ?'

''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about

my Mom.

She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq

and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory

and all she had was a flask of whiskey,

a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way

down so the bottle wouldn't break

and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until

she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife,

till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.

'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk......!!!!"

======

Ab Mai News mein aata hoon;

Gharo mein nahi.

~ Tamatar.

======

"मेरे दोस्त बरबाद होगे तो सिर्फ

तिन पत्ती और कैंडी क्रश की वजह से....

वरना शराब की क्या ओकात जो बरबाद कर दे..!!"

======

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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Friday, July 25, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Story - Indian Air Force Pilot

CHAK DE

On Sunday evening 13th July 2014, the Air India's flight AI-144, a B-777, was ready for a routine flight from Newark to Mumbai with 300 passengers and 15 crew. The weather in New Jersey was heavy passing showers here and there.

It was a routine departure at about 5 pm (local time) for a long 15-16 hrs flight to Bombay nee Mumbai. The aircraft naturally was at its maximum take off weight, as it was fully loaded with the fuel required for this long transcontinental flight.

The take off run was a normal routine one. Immediately on lift off the worst nightmare of a pilot, the loss of an engine at maximum take off weight, happened. The left engine caught fire, and at the same time the cockpit engine fire warnings did not function. The passengers and crew sitting on the left side were horrified to see flames from the left engine. Other airplanes and Air Traffic Control warned the Pilot of the engine being on fire. The Pilots till that time unaware of the engine fire, checked up and carried out the emergency drills as per the required procedures. The B-777 is a 2 engine aircraft, and loosing one engine (50% power) at the maximum a/c weight on take off is a nightmare for the best of Pilots and in the best of circumstances.

In such an emergency, the Pilots will first think of making the aircraft light, which is done by dumping the extra fuel. For this Pilots need to climb up to a designated minimum height and dump the fuel in areas already specified by the local airport authorities. The time to reach the dumping height and area could have taken 15 to 30 minutes, because of heavy weight and loss of an engine. The actual fuel dump can take another 30 to 40 minutes, depending on the amount of fuel to be dumped out. The exercise of dumping fuel to lighten the aircraft would have taken any thing around 60 to 70 minutes, a valuable time they did not have.

The Pilots had a serious emergency of an engine having been on fire at hand. This could have caused, secondary as yet unknown failures. They had to take an instant decision, which they rightfully took to land as soon as possible, rather than use up precious time to try and dump fuel.

The immediate landing back, of course had its own problems. The very high landing weight. This in turn will need the aircraft to be landed at a much higher speed. The immediate anxiety of the Pilots in this case would have been three fold. Firstly, will the airplane stop in the available runway length, landing at about 200 Knots (which is 370 kms/hr), the minimum speed required at the weight. Secondly, will the landing gear take the load of landing at such a high speed and weight (85 tonnes more than the maximum design landing weight). Thirdly, they were flying only on one engine, which has its own problems of aircraft handling and control.

The Pilots averted a major emergency into becoming a possible catastrophe by landing the aircraft successfully back. The handling skills and good cool airmanship displayed by the Pilots was the primary reason of this emergency being converted into just an incident, which the Indian media thought was of no consequence of being reported or being commented upon. The visual media (all channels of TV) was only concerned on a non issue of why one 'Ved Pratap Vaidik' met a certain ' Hafiz Saeed' on a visit to Pakistan. The print media was merely interested in printing and commenting some dubious statistics where the ATC Controllers and Pilots have erred. Regrettably the media just shut their eyes to this incidence as it made no juicy news for them. They were not interested in how a major catastrophe was averted and lives of 315 persons were saved by the good professional handling and competent decisions of AIR INDIA PILOTS.

My congratulations to Capt Gautam Verma and his crew (2nd Commander Capt Niranjan Singh & First Officers Capt Pankaj Wadhawan & Capt Shilpika Das) for displaying airmanship and professional competence of the highest order in handling a most difficult situation competently and successfully.

It is disappointing that the PRO of Air India has also failed in bringing the true facts of the incidence to the notice of the visual and print media and getting the competence and proficiency of their employees due national recognition. It should also be a matter of great national concern that the Indian media had nothing to say about the competent handling of this grave in flight situation and preventing it becoming a catastrophe.

The writer is a retired Air India & Indian Air Force Pilot with over 40 years of flight experience.

Friends do share this with others, as the National media has failed to recognize and give due credit to our Indian Pilots, who have done a great and creditable job and not let a grave emergency develop into disaster.

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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[Hindi Jokes] Quote, Shayaris, Jokes (25.07.14)

CHAK DE

======

People Who Judge Everyone Else,

Need to Put Down the Magnifying Glass

& Pick up a Mirror.

======

आसमान जो इतना बुलंदी पर इतराता है ....!

भूल जाता है ...ज़मीन से ही नज़र आता है...!!

======

HR in office : Okay guys, this is a new HR practice - Today we are going to play a game.

When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the court.

And when I say a any color, you run to the left side of the court.

One who is wrong will not get the increment...

got it ?

Employees : Yes, Got it.

HR : Okay...Ready, Set...

ORANGE !

Employees : Wat d hell?

hahahahaha

======

बन्दा खुद की नज़र में सही होना चाहिए,

दुनिया तो साली भगवान से भी दुखी है "

======

Nice one..it's different from all husband wife jokes....

अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे !!!.

भले झगडे, गुस्सा करे, एक दुसरे पर टुट पड़े

एक दुसरे पर दादागिरि करने के लिये, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे

जो कह्ना हे वह कह ले, जो करना हे वह कर ले

एक दुसरे के चश्मे और लकड़ी ढुंढने में, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे

मे रूठु तो तुम मना लेना, तुम रूढ़ो ताे मै मना लुगा

एक दुसरे को लाड़ लड़ानेके लिये, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे

आँखे जब धुँधली होंगी, याददाश्त जब कमजोर होंगी

तब एक दूसरे को एक दूसरे मे ठूँढने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे

घुटने जब दुखने लगेंगे, कमर भी झुकना बंद करेगी

तब एक दूसरे के पांव के नाखून काटने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे

"मेरी हेल्थ रिपोर्ट एक दम नोर्मल है, आइ एम आलराईट

ऐसा कह कर ऐक दूसरे को बहकाने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे

साथ जब छुट जायेगा, बीदाई की घड़ी जब आजायेगी

तब एक दूसरे को माफ करने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे.

======

हजार के नोटो से तो बस जरूरत पुरी होती हैं..

मजा तो माँ से

मांगे एक रूपये के सिक्के मे था....

======

हम दोस्ती करते है तो अफसाने लिखे जाते है,

और दुश्मनी करते है तो तारीखे लिखी जाती है ,,,

======

Which State in India has highest English speaking population?

Answer :

Before 8 pm. -- Kerala

After 8 pm ---- Maharashtra

For communication skills,

U don't need any classes.... Only glasses.

======

Love affairs are like the game of Cricket;

Where One-Day Internationals are more popular than a 5 day Test

======

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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