Hindi Jokes Group Mails: March 2015

Monday, March 23, 2015

[Hindi Jokes] 10 One liners about India that are completely true (23.03.15)

CHAK DE

10 One liners about India that are completely true

1. If u want to know how divided we r, just look at matrimonial page of our newspapers

2. India is running the software of tomorrowon the hardware of yesterday

3. Marriages(rest of the world): x+y

Marriages(in India):

∫xdx + ∫ydy

4. If the mobile gets spoiled blame the child, if child gets spoiled blame the mobile

5. If someone asks for dirty cloth to clean something u r in India

6. The only country where people fight to be termed 'backward'

7. In India, u don't cast ur vote, u vote ur caste

8. An incredible country where actors r playing cricket, cricketers r playing politics, politicians r watching porn and porn stars r becoming actors

9. Sarcasm is like electricity, half of India doesn't get it

10. And the ultimate one:

Where liking a Facebook post and sending messages on WhatsApp gets u arrested,

while raping does not!!

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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[Hindi Jokes] Jokes, Quote, Shayaris (23.03.15)

CHAK DE

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एक सेब गिरा और न्यूटन ने ग्रेविटी की खोज कर ली..

..यहाँ इंसान हररोज गिरता जा रहा है..

..और कोई मानवता नहीं खोज पा रहा है.. 😯😕😐😟🙇🙇🙇

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हमारे कत्ल के लीऎ तो मीठी जुबांन ही काफी है.

अजिब शक्स थे वो जो खंजर तलाश रहे थे.

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जिंदगी से आज तक मैंने कुछ उधार नही लिया,

कफन भी लूँगा तो ''जिंदगी'' देकर...

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At medical store: "Arrey bhaiyya bade dino baad aaye?"

"*beep* toh kya roz roz bimaar padu ab? " 😡

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तू याद रख, या ना रख...

तू याद है, ये याद रख....!!

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नही थे पैसे एक दिन पीने के लिए तो यूं किया ,.,

डूबोई उनकी तस्वीर पानी में, और घूंट घूंट पी लिया,.,!!!

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रिश्ते का नाम जरूरी नहीं होता मेरे दोस्त,

कुछ बेनाम रिश्ते रुकी जिंदगी को साँस देते है...🌹

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कौन कहता है कि दूरियां किलोमीटरों में नापी जाती हैं।

खुद से मिलने में भी उम्र गुज़र जाती है।

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सारा जहां मिलता है...!! बस वो नहीं मिलता....!!

जिसमे जहां मिलता है...!!

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एक आदमी हाथ में I phone 6 लेकर रास्ते से चल रहा था..

की पैर फिसल कर वो गिर पडा..

तभी कुछ खटाक से टूटने की आवाज़ आई जैसे कुछ तडक गया हो.. !!

दिल थाम कर आदमी बोला..

"भगवान् करे हड्डी हो.. " 😝😜😜😂😂

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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[Hindi Jokes] WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! (23.03.15)

CHAK DE

WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! 😂💕😂

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started....

*************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started....

***************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

So, I took her to a petrol pump

And then the fight started....

***************************

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'

I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'

And then the fight started....

***************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I've not been in a long time."

So I took her to the kitchen.

And then the fight started....

***************************

Dedicated to all married couples.. But don't send to all

I sent to my friend. He sent to his wife and then the fight started

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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[Hindi Jokes] सुख की खोज (23.03.15)

CHAK DE

सुख की खोज

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ऐ सुख तू कहाँ मिलता है

क्या तेरा कोई स्थायी पता है

क्यों बन बैठा है अन्जाना

आखिर क्या है तेरा ठिकाना।

कहाँ कहाँ ढूंढा तुझको

पर तू न कहीं मिला मुझको

ढूंढा ऊँचे मकानों में

बड़ी बड़ी दुकानों में

स्वादिस्ट पकवानों में

चोटी के धनवानों में

वो भी तुझको ढूंढ रहे थे

बल्कि मुझको ही पूछ रहे थे

क्या आपको कुछ पता है

ये सुख आखिर कहाँ रहता है?

मेरे पास तो दुःख का पता था

जो सुबह शाम अक्सर मिलता था

परेशान होके रपट लिखवाई

पर ये कोशिश भी काम न आई

उम्र अब ढलान पे है

हौसले थकान पे है

हाँ उसकी तस्वीर है मेरे पास

अब भी बची हुई है आस

मैं भी हार नही मानूंगा

सुख के रहस्य को जानूंगा

बचपन में मिला करता था

मेरे साथ रहा करता था

पर जबसे मैं बड़ा हो गया

मेरा सुख मुझसे जुदा हो गया।

मैं फिर भी नही हुआ हताश

जारी रखी उसकी तलाश

एक दिन जब आवाज ये आई

क्या मुझको ढूंढ रहा है भाई

मैं तेरे अन्दर छुपा हुआ हूँ

तेरे ही घर में बसा हुआ हूँ

मेरा नही है कुछ भी मोल

सिक्कों में मुझको न तोल

मैं बच्चों की मुस्कानों में हूँ

हारमोनियम की तानों में हूँ

पत्नी के साथ चाय पीने में

परिवार के संग जीने में

माँ बाप के आशीर्वाद में

रसोई घर के महाप्रसाद में

बच्चों की सफलता में हूँ

माँ की निश्छल ममता में हूँ

हर पल तेरे संग रहता हूँ

और अक्सर तुझसे कहता हूँ

मैं तो हूँ बस एक अहसास

बंद कर दे मेरी तलाश

जो मिला उसी में कर संतोष

आज को जी ले कल की न सोच

कल के लिए आज को न खोना

मेरे लिए कभी दुखी न होना।

मेरे लिए कभी दुखी न होन

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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[Hindi Jokes] MUST READ!!!! Diff. Between CA nd B.Com (23.03.15)

CHAK DE

MUST READ!!!!

Diff. Between CA nd B.Com

B.Com:

Question: How many balls are there in an over?

Answer: 6

Full Marks

If this were a CA exam question

The answer would be WRONG and the examiner's comment in the suggested answers would be

"Most of the students answered the questions. However, students have not understood the questions correctly. Answer points to a lack of in-depth understanding and conceptual clarity on the subject. Correct answer is 1 ball which is delivered 6 times, if the umpire(as defined under bye law 19 of Rule 2) did not declare any no ball in all those deliveries.

In case the umpire, as defined above, declares a No Ball as defined in the Byelaws 24 Rule 3 of the Laws of Cricket (Lords), then there will be an additional ball delivered, using the same ball, for every no ball declared by the umpire.

Note that such additional balls will not be counted towards the number of balls".

Similarly for a wide ball under Byelaw 25 Rule 3 of the Laws of Cricket (Lords) an additional ball will be delivered for every wide ball declared by the umpire.

Thus keeping in view the Rules 19, 24 25 of the Laws of Cricket(Lords) the answer is 1 ball.

However, if the ball used for the said deliveries suffers or undergoes such transformation or such other changes which, the umpire, on an appeal being made by the bowler, deems unfit for use, the ball may be changed/replaced with another one. Only in such a case, will there be use of multiple balls in an over.

(The student may assume that the batsmen did not hit a sixer, thereby forcing the ball to go out of the park causing another ball to be used)''

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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[Hindi Jokes] A cruise ship met with an incident at sea (23.03.15)

CHAK DE

A cruise ship met with an incident at sea, on the ship was a pair of couple, after having made their way to the lifeboat, they realized that there was only space for one person left.

At this moment, the man pushed the woman behind him and jumped onto the lifeboat himself.

The lady stood on the sinking ship and shouted one sentence to her husband.

The teacher stopped and asked, "What do you think she shouted?"

Most of the students excitedly answered, "I hate you! I was blind!"

Now, the teacher noticed a boy who was silent throughout, she got him to answer and he replied, "Teacher, I believe she would have shouted - Take care of our child!"

The teacher was surprised, asking "Have you heard this story before?"

The boy shook his head, "Nope, but that was what my mum told my dad before she died to disease".

The teacher lamented, "The answer is right".

The cruise sunk, the man went home and brought up their daughter single-handedly.

Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter found his diary while tidying his belongings.

It turns out that when parents went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with a terminal illness.

At the critical moment, the father rushed to the only chance of survival.

He wrote in his diary, "How I wished to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I can only let you lie forever below the sea alone".

The story is finished, the class was silent.

The teacher knows that the student has understood the moral of the story, that of the good and the evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand.

Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.

Those who like to pay the bill, does so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.

Those who take the initiative at work, does so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.

Those who apologizes first after a fight, does so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.

Those who are willing to help you, does so not because they owe you any thing but because they see you as a true friend.....

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Posted by: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>

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